Steps of the Called

The Backstory:                                                                         

When I was 17 years old, while at youth camp, I felt the Lord calling me to ministry, and I committed my life to full-time service. At the time I had no idea what that would look like, but I was confident that He would show me exactly where He wanted me. Over the years the Lord has been incredibly faithful to open doors for ministry and lead me one step at a time.  More often than not, the opportunities He’s given me have been surprising and unexpected, and this time is no different. At the beginning of 2011 I had never heard of the Azores. I didn’t even know they existed, not to mention that there were missionaries there supported in part by my church. I also had never seriously considered that the Lord might call me anywhere other than suburban America to serve Him. That all changed on February 25, 2011.

Each year towards the end of February, Shades Mountain Baptist Church does a big, church-wide event called GIC. GIC stands for Global Impact Celebration, and it’s basically a conference that SMBC hosts for Shades members and the missionaries we support. Shades supports quite a few missionaries around the globe, both financially and through prayer and partnership on mission projects. Each year those missionaries are invited to come spend a few days as our guests, worshiping and fellowshipping with the Shades family. It’s also a great opportunity for them to get to know the people who are supporting them, share with us the status of their ministries, and rejuvenate themselves for the work ahead.

It was Friday night of GIC 2011, my first as a Shades employee and member. To be honest, at the time I wasn’t really sure what GIC was all about. I just knew that as an employee I was supposed to be present at as many of the GIC events as possible. So there I was, sitting in the sanctuary, listening as the missionaries took us “around the world in 68 minutes.” Each missionary unit had about 60 seconds to give a quick update about their ministry. Some sang a song, some read a poem, and some simply talked. About halfway through a couple named Art & Debbie Nilsen stepped up to the microphone to share about their ministry in the Azores. For the first 45 seconds or so they took turns speaking. Art would say “In the Azores they can_____________” and fill in the blank with a variety of exciting and adventurous activities like spelunking, snorkeling, and bull running. After each “they can” statement Debbie would respond with “but they can’t go to camp.” Then they wrapped up their time by sharing their vision for a camp facility on their island that will be used to minister to people throughout the nine Azorean islands.

If you know me very well at all, you’ve probably already guessed that this broke my heart. Thirty seconds into it and I was practically in tears. (And by practically, I mean there were tears rolling down my cheeks!) I kept thinking, “Why can’t they go to camp? That’s so not fair! I’ll take them to camp!” At the end of the service I made a beeline to the Nilsen’s display table intent on finding out more about the whole situation. I introduced myself, told them about my role as Kids Kamp coordinator at Shades, and listened as they shared the details of their ministry and their goal of starting a camp.  I found out that the Azores are Portuguese islands located about a thousand miles off the coast of Portugal.  We talked about the challenges they were facing, how I could be praying for them, and the idea of making a trip there was even mentioned in passing. I specifically remember Art saying something to the effect of “in a couple years we’ll be needing a camp director.” At the time I was just starting to feel settled into my job at Shades, so I basically brushed the comment off, promising to keep in touch with them and pray for their ministry.

I was definitely excited about their ministry and thinking about how I might be able to be a part of it. But if I’m being really honest, I have to admit that I thought it was more of an emotional high type of thing that would die down as I moved forward. I was wrong! Every time I thought I had gotten the idea out of my system God would bring it back up in ways that I didn’t expect. By the time summer rolled around I knew that this wasn’t something I should ignore. I began praying that the Lord would show me what His will is in this situation and that He would open and close doors accordingly. Every time I prayed, I kept getting the same answer: “keep seeking…I will open the door…don’t give up on this.” In October I finally decided to bite the bullet and contact the Nilsens. We talked over Skype and throughout the conversation and afterwards I kept feeling like the Lord was telling me that I was supposed to be a part of this ministry.  The idea scared me (it still does), but I tried to remember that perfect love casts out all fear and I clung to that promise as I began to set up meetings with my pastor and missions minster to really talk about what this might look like. I shared with them how I was feeling called and asked for their advice on how to proceed. We came to the conclusion that I should go on a short term trip as soon as possible and pray about making a commitment to move to the Azores long-term. At every turn I was encouraged both in my desire to follow God’s call and in knowing that my church family is supportive of me in that endeavor.

It all came full circle at GIC 2012. Going into the weekend I was excited to reconnect with the Nilsens and talk about partnering with them. I pretty much already knew that the Lord was calling me to make a long-term commitment, but I wasn’t ready to say those words out loud yet. On opening night of GIC 2012 the speaker taught from Jonah. The message was about really understanding your own sin and totally turning things over to God and His way of doing things. At the end of the service the speaker invited us to come to the alter and pray, specifically offering our hearts, minds, and  plans to God and asking Him to show us this week what He wants from us. I went down and prayed what I consider to be one of the most honest prayers of my life. I told God that I am scared, scared of what might happen, scared of how I’ll really handle being thousands of miles from my family and friends, scared of what it might mean for my desires to get married and raise a family, scared that I might not be cut out for this. I basically laid my fears out to God then offered them up to Him. I told him I will do whatever He wants and go wherever He wants, no matter what. Even if that means I never get married or have a baby. Even now as I write this, I feel such a peace about giving that over to Him. I’m under no illusions that the desire for these things will go away, or that I won’t have bad days in regards to this, but I can honestly say that I know God’s got it covered and I really do believe if I follow Him, He will either fulfill these desires or change my heart.

 Over the course of the week, through spending time with the Nilsens and hearing stories from a variety of other missionaries, the Lord reaffirmed over and over again that this was what He’s calling me to. On the last night of GIC 2012 I committed to the Lord that I will go where He’s calling, and at this time in my life, that means a year-long commitment to serving Him in the Azores. I completely realize that this one year may be just the starting point, but I am committed to following the Lord, one step at a time. It is my prayer that I will always be open and listening to His voice, and that I will choose to “walk in a manner worthy of the calling which you have been called” (Eph. 4:1).